Why we should stop defining people by their jobs

In today's fast-paced, career-driven world, it's all too common to hear the question "What do you do?" within minutes of meeting someone new. This seemingly innocuous icebreaker has become a staple of small talk, especially in professional settings. However, as our understanding of personal identity and work-life balance evolves, it's time to reconsider the impact of this ubiquitous query.

The Problem with Defining Ourselves by Our Jobs

When we ask someone what they do, we're often seeking a quick way to categorize them. This habit can lead to several issues:

Oversimplification of identity: Reducing a person to their job title ignores the complexity of human experience.

Reinforcing stereotypes: Certain professions may carry preconceived notions that don't accurately reflect the individual.

Creating pressure: The question can make people feel judged based on their career status or perceived success.

Excluding non-traditional paths: Those who are unemployed, retired, or pursuing unconventional careers may feel uncomfortable or devalued.

As Rachel East, co-founder of Clarity on Fire, aptly puts it, "The problem isn't really the question itself. It's what the question inevitably represents. Which, to me, is a cultural obsession with equating your very identity as a human being to what you do for a living".

The Cultural Context

The emphasis on career as a primary identifier is particularly strong in American culture. In many other parts of the world, this question is considered impolite or irrelevant in social settings. By broadening our perspective, we can learn to value people for who they are rather than what they do for a living.

Alternatives to "What Do You Do?"

To foster more meaningful connections, consider these alternative conversation starters:

• "What are you passionate about?"
• "How do you like to spend your free time?"
• "What's been the highlight of your week so far?"
• "What's something you're looking forward to?"
• "If you could learn any new skill, what would it be?"

These questions open the door to more engaging discussions and allow people to share aspects of themselves beyond their professional lives.

The Impact on Professional Identity

While it's important to separate our sense of self from our careers, professional identity still plays a significant role in many people's lives. The key is to find a balance between acknowledging the value of our work without letting it define us entirely.

As Adam Grant, an organizational psychologist, notes, "a healthy sense of self is rooted in character, not career choice". This perspective allows for a more flexible and resilient approach to career changes and transitions.

Embracing a Holistic View of Identity

By moving away from job-centric introductions, we create space for a more nuanced understanding of ourselves and others. This shift can lead to:

Improved work-life balance: Recognizing that we are more than our jobs can help set healthier boundaries.

Enhanced personal growth: Exploring interests outside of work can lead to new skills and experiences.

Stronger relationships: Connecting on a deeper level fosters more meaningful personal and professional networks.

Increased resilience: A diverse sense of self can help navigate career changes or setbacks more effectively.

The Role of Workplace Culture

Organizations play a crucial role in shaping how employees view their professional identities. Progressive companies are recognizing the importance of supporting their staff as whole individuals, not just workers. This approach can lead to increased job satisfaction, creativity, and overall well-being.

Navigating Social Norms

Changing ingrained social habits takes time and effort. Here are some strategies for moving beyond the "What do you do?" question:

Lead by example: Start conversations with more open-ended questions.

Redirect politely: If asked about your job, briefly answer and then steer the conversation to other topics.

Share your perspective: Explain why you prefer not to focus on career talk in social settings.

Be prepared: Have a few go-to topics or questions ready for social situations.

The Future of Work and Identity

As the nature of work continues to evolve, with remote work, gig economies, and portfolio careers becoming more common, our understanding of professional identity must also adapt. This shift presents an opportunity to redefine how we view ourselves and others in relation to work.

Moving beyond the "What do you do?" question is not about diminishing the value of our professional lives. Instead, it's an invitation to recognize and celebrate the many facets of our identities. By broadening our conversations and perspectives, we can create a more inclusive and understanding society that values individuals for their unique combination of experiences, interests, and aspirations.

As we navigate an increasingly complex world, let's challenge ourselves to engage in more meaningful dialogues that go beyond job titles and career paths. In doing so, we open the door to richer connections, personal growth, and a more holistic understanding of what it means to be human in the 21st century.