How do you deal with a worker who irritates you?

[WORLD] Managing different personalities in the workplace is an essential skill for any leader. However, when faced with an employee who consistently irritates you, it can be challenging to maintain professionalism and effectively guide their development. This article will explore strategies for managing employees who get on your nerves, focusing on communication, empathy, and constructive feedback.

Before addressing the issue, it's crucial to understand why certain behaviors are triggering your frustration. Art Markman, a former professor of psychology at the University of Texas at Austin, suggests:

"We have to acknowledge we all know people like this. There are people who seem oblivious to what's going on around them socially."

Often, the behaviors that annoy us stem from social awkwardness rather than intentional malice. Recognizing this can help shift your perspective and approach the situation with more empathy.

Identifying Specific Behaviors

Instead of labeling an employee as "unlikable," focus on identifying specific behaviors that are causing issues in the workplace. Common problematic behaviors include:

• Constant interruptions
• Long-winded responses
• Inability to read social cues
• Lack of focus during meetings

By pinpointing these behaviors, you can provide more targeted feedback and actionable steps for improvement.

Effective Communication Strategies

1. Direct Feedback

When addressing problematic behaviors, it's essential to provide clear, specific feedback. Markman advises:

"You can start by saying, look, you've expressed that your goal is to be more in the loop. So, I've noticed a few things that are getting in your way of doing that. And I want to help you to develop some behaviors that will counteract that."

This approach frames the conversation as a developmental opportunity rather than a criticism, making it more likely that the employee will be receptive to feedback.

2. Provide Actionable Steps

Simply telling an employee to "stop interrupting" or "be more concise" may not be enough. Instead, offer specific strategies they can implement. For example:

"Come into every meeting with a notepad and as soon as you think of something you want to say, write it down so you don't have to keep rehearsing it in your head which then keeps you from listening to everything everybody else says."

This technique helps employees become more aware of their behavior and provides a concrete tool for improvement.

3. Encourage Active Listening

Many communication issues stem from poor listening skills. Teach employees to focus on truly hearing what others are saying rather than simply waiting for their turn to speak. Markman suggests:

"If someone else is speaking, do not say anything. Wait until there's a natural break in the conversation before you attempt to take the floor."

Developing Self-Awareness

One effective method for helping employees recognize their problematic behaviors is to record meetings or conversations (with permission) and have them listen back. This can be eye-opening for many individuals who may not realize how they come across to others.

"Being able to re-listen to it I think is extraordinarily important and even if this employee can't articulate this is what I was hoping to accomplish, as he listens back to a tape of a conversation he will at least be able to hear a little bit more of why he wasn't effective at communicating whatever point he was making at that time."

Building Confidence and Assertiveness

In some cases, annoying behaviors may stem from a lack of confidence or an overcompensation for past experiences. For employees who are overly deferential or apologetic, it's important to build their self-assurance. Markman advises:

"You need to give people some small victories. So, at that point where he just walks in and you're interrupted in something and he immediately begins speaking, at the end of that interaction say, I also want to thank you for, just moving ahead with the conversation."

By reinforcing positive behaviors, you can help employees develop a more balanced approach to workplace interactions.

Addressing Passive-Aggressive Behavior

Dealing with passive-aggressive employees can be particularly challenging. These individuals may avoid direct communication and instead use gossip or back channels to express their dissatisfaction. To address this:

• Establish clear communication expectations
• Create a safe environment for open dialogue
• Address issues promptly and directly
• Document conversations and agreements

Markman emphasizes the importance of making it difficult for employees to get what they want through indirect means:

"One of the things you have to do is to make it hard for the employee to get what they want through indirect means. Because if I'm going to ask you to change your behavior, you're going to do your best to keep going back to doing what has worked for you in the past."

The Role of Self-Reflection

As a manager, it's crucial to examine your own reactions and behaviors. Are you contributing to the problem in any way? Markman points out:

"One of the other questions that this person needs to ask themselves before doing anything else is why am I so anxious about this employee who I'm not getting along with?"

Your own anxiety or defensiveness may be exacerbating the situation. By addressing your own reactions, you can create a more positive environment for open communication and growth.

Setting Clear Expectations and Goals

When working to improve an employee's behavior, it's important to set clear expectations and goals. This provides a framework for measuring progress and holding the employee accountable. Markman suggests:

"You can say, well here's the goal that we set. The goal we set was we're going to have open conversations about problems, and so now if you document well, lo and behold I'm getting another problem thirdhand. Well, now you're creating that trail that you can come back to somebody and say, OK. Look, we've talked about trying to fix this and we're not having success with this."

The Importance of Patience and Persistence

Changing ingrained behaviors takes time and consistent effort. It's important to approach the process with patience and persistence. Recognize small improvements and continue to provide support and feedback throughout the development process.

When to Consider Other Options

If, after consistent effort and feedback, an employee's behavior does not improve, it may be necessary to consider other options. This could include:

• Reassigning the employee to a different role or team
• Providing additional training or resources
• In extreme cases, considering termination

However, it's important to exhaust all other options before taking drastic measures. As Markman notes:

"You have to start with that orientation even on those days when seeing that person and knowing what they're capable of makes your skin crawl. Because if in fact he can break through and change that behavior then he may have somebody who's actually an extraordinarily valuable employee there."

Managing an employee who gets on your nerves requires patience, empathy, and a commitment to their development. By focusing on specific behaviors, providing clear feedback and actionable strategies, and fostering an environment of open communication, you can help transform a challenging employee into a valuable team member. Remember that the goal is not just to alleviate your own frustration, but to help the employee grow and contribute more effectively to the organization.