What's the main reason people are unhappy?

In this year's World Happiness Report, which evaluates 143 countries based on measures of life happiness, the United States ranked 23rd. For the first time in the report's 20-year history, the United States does not rank in the top 20. While Americans over the age of 60 rated 10th in happiness, individuals under the age of 30 placed 62nd.

The stark contrast in happiness levels between older and younger Americans has raised concerns among policymakers and mental health professionals. Experts suggest that this generational gap in happiness may be attributed to various factors, including economic uncertainty, changing social dynamics, and the unique challenges faced by younger generations in an increasingly digital world. The findings have prompted calls for targeted interventions and support systems to address the specific needs of younger Americans and improve their overall well-being.

A increasing corpus of data suggests that youth mental health is declining. According to Centers for Disease Control data, 42% of high school students in the United States will experience persistent sadness or hopelessness in 2021. And 22% seriously pondered suicide. According to experts, today's youth may be influenced by a variety of issues, including social media use, climate change, and a lack of class fluidity.

The impact of these factors on youth mental health has been further exacerbated by the COVID-19 pandemic. The prolonged periods of social isolation, disrupted education, and economic instability have created additional stressors for young people. Mental health professionals are now grappling with what some are calling a "shadow pandemic" of mental health issues among youth, highlighting the urgent need for increased resources and support in schools and communities.

Esther Perel, a renowned psychologist, identifies a different culprit: relationships, or the absence thereof. "I think people are more lonely because they are less adept at being in relationships as that involves conflict, friction and differences," according to her. "An enormous amount of people are cutting off friends and family members like never before."

Perel feels that young Americans' focus on being their most true selves comes at the expense of making connections. In actuality, you learn a lot about yourself through friendships, collaborations, and general interactions with others.

This shift in relationship dynamics has been particularly noticeable in the digital age, where social media platforms and online interactions have become primary modes of communication for many young people. While these platforms offer unprecedented connectivity, they may also contribute to a sense of superficiality in relationships. The ease of "unfriending" or "blocking" someone online has translated into real-world interactions, making it more challenging for young people to navigate complex interpersonal relationships and develop crucial conflict resolution skills.

Relationships Require Obligation

Many psychological concepts popularized by social media are about protecting yourself from people or situations that could affect your mental health.

"Therapy speak of a certain kind has the word 'self' in front of everything — self-awareness, self-realization, self-fulfillment, self-care, self-image," per Perel.

This overcorrection has resulted in young people abandoning community for comfort.

"Today, being true to myself is more important than preserving my relationships," Perel said.

Service-oriented apps also reduce the need for community-based interactions. Being unwell and unable to pick up a medication used to necessitate some assistance from a friend. Now you may just have your medicine delivered. If your partner is no longer able to transport you to the airport, you do not seek last-minute assistance from a neighbor. A ride-hailing app allows you to arrange a car. For past generations, exchanging favors over time helped to build a strong, in-person social network. Today's youth aren't making such tiny investments.

The erosion of these small, yet significant, social interactions has far-reaching implications for community cohesion and individual well-being. Sociologists argue that these micro-interactions serve as the foundation for building social capital – the networks of relationships that enable a society to function effectively. As young people increasingly rely on technology-driven solutions rather than human connections, there are concerns about the long-term impact on social skills, empathy, and the ability to form deep, meaningful relationships. This shift may contribute to a cycle of isolation and decreased happiness, further widening the generational gap in life satisfaction.

According to Pew Research Center data for 2023, only 32% of Americans aged 30 and younger report having five or more close friends. For individuals 65 and older, the figure rises to 49%.

"Relationships demand obligation," Perel explains. "Communities require obligation. Communities are not simply there to meet our wants. Your community grants you belonging in exchange for your commitment to the well-being of others."

Being a positive presence all of the time is neither a reasonable expectation nor a necessary for engaging with others. In fact, it can prevent you from making meaningful connections.