It's normal to be nervous at the start of a new relationship. You're delighted about the prospect of meeting someone new, and you do everything you can to satisfy them, even if it means losing sight of your own needs.
While the excitement of a new relationship can be intoxicating, it's crucial to maintain a sense of self and not lose your identity in the process. Many people make the mistake of becoming so engrossed in their new partner that they neglect their own interests, friends, and personal growth. Remember, a healthy relationship is built on two whole individuals coming together, not two halves trying to complete each other.
If you find it difficult to set boundaries, especially at the outset of a relationship, the quardrailing method may help you get started right.
Guardrailing entails establishing a set of healthy boundaries and strategies to protect the relationship against toxic or harmful behavior. These guardrails serve to develop a framework of mutual respect, emotional security, and constructive communication from the outset of a relationship, while also allowing each partner their own space.
Implementing guardrails doesn't mean creating rigid rules that stifle the relationship. Instead, think of them as flexible guidelines that evolve as your relationship grows. These boundaries should be discussed openly and agreed upon by both partners, ensuring that each person's needs and comfort levels are respected. It's important to revisit these guardrails periodically, as what works in the beginning of a relationship may need adjustment as you both grow and change together.
These boundaries may concern both sexual consent and physical and psychological well-being. For example, if you enjoy watching your favorite show alone on Sunday evenings, you can explain your personal preference to your partner. If you dislike a particular sexual practice, a talk is also appropriate.
These safety barriers can limit how to handle a disagreement or conflict within the relationship, or they can clarify what each person wants from the partnership in order to minimize misunderstandings and frustration. By establishing clear boundaries, you may foster a healthy relationship in which both partners can thrive.
One often overlooked aspect of guardrailing is the importance of financial boundaries. Money can be a significant source of tension in relationships, so it's wise to discuss financial expectations early on. This could include how you'll handle shared expenses, savings goals, or even attitudes towards debt. By addressing these topics proactively, you can avoid potential conflicts and build a stronger foundation for your financial future together.
Saying 'no' is not easy.
However, creating limits is not always easy since people are afraid of alienating a potential spouse. According to a YouGov survey conducted for the Bumble dating app, nearly two-thirds (63%) of 18- to 24-year-olds are terrified of saying no or disappointing their partner.
Cécile Guéret, a couples therapist, told the French edition of Cosmopolitan magazine that everyone should be as open and honest as possible about their own boundaries and expectations from the start. She reminds us that we have the freedom to change our limits throughout time, especially if something makes us uncomfortable.
Learning to say 'no' is a skill that can greatly benefit your relationship and personal well-being. It's important to remember that setting boundaries is not about rejecting your partner, but about respecting yourself and the relationship. By clearly communicating your limits, you're actually strengthening the trust and understanding between you and your partner. Practice assertiveness in small, everyday situations to build your confidence in expressing your needs and preferences.
Consent must be freely provided and can be withdrawn at any time, she explains. It's an ongoing conversation, and you should check in with your spouse on a frequent basis to see if you're on the same page.
Adopting the guardrailing method protects yourself and your spouse by establishing a clear structure from the outset of the relationship. This enables you to develop a partnership on stable ground, where everyone may thrive in full peace.
Remember that mutual respect and open communication are essential for a fulfilling, long-term partnership.
