Why is it hard to make friends when you're older?

[WORLD] Making friends is one of the cornerstones of a fulfilling life. However, as we grow older, building new friendships becomes increasingly difficult for many. Whether it’s due to a lack of time, social opportunities, or shifting priorities, forming meaningful connections can feel like a daunting task. In fact, experts agree that it is common for adults to struggle with making new friends as they age. But why does this happen, and what can you do to fix it?

Why It’s Hard to Make Friends as You Age

As we transition from our childhood and teenage years into adulthood, the ease with which we form friendships tends to diminish. While the reasons for this vary, experts highlight three key factors that make it particularly challenging to make friends when you're older.

1. Less Time for Socializing

One of the primary reasons adults find it harder to make friends is a lack of time. In childhood and adolescence, socializing is often built into our daily routines. Whether it’s school, extracurricular activities, or weekend gatherings, it’s easy to find opportunities to meet and bond with others.

As we grow older, life becomes busier. Career responsibilities, family commitments, and personal obligations can leave little room for socializing. According to research, the average adult spends a significant portion of their time working, raising children, or managing other responsibilities. This leaves limited space for forging new friendships.

Dr. Marisa G. Franco, a psychologist and author of Platonic: How the Science of Attachment Can Help You Make—and Keep—Friends, explains, “As adults, we tend to prioritize work and family obligations, leaving little time for socializing. Without these built-in structures for connection, it can be tough to meet new people.”

2. Shifting Social Circles

Another barrier to making friends as an adult is the natural shift in social circles. During childhood and early adulthood, friendships are often formed in environments where people are in close proximity to each other—like school, college, or early jobs. These environments are conducive to frequent interactions, making it easy to form lasting bonds.

However, as people age, their social environments change. People move to different cities, switch jobs, or experience life transitions such as marriage or parenthood, which can disrupt their social networks. The older we get, the more likely it is that our friends are busy with their own lives or have moved away, making it harder to stay connected.

Dr. Franco highlights this: “When we enter the workforce, move to new areas, or get caught up in family life, it’s easy to lose touch with old friends. Rebuilding those connections or creating new ones can feel overwhelming without the same structure we had in our younger years.”

3. Increased Fear of Rejection

As people age, many develop a fear of rejection that can prevent them from reaching out to others. In childhood, rejection is a part of learning to socialize, and most people are more resilient when it happens. However, as we grow older, rejection can feel more personal and discouraging.

The anxiety around rejection may lead people to avoid putting themselves out there, which ultimately makes it harder to meet new people. Research indicates that the older we get, the more likely we are to feel vulnerable and fearful of rejection, which can keep us from forming the connections we desire.

“It’s natural to feel more self-conscious as you get older,” says Dr. Franco. “You start to doubt whether you’ll find people who truly understand or appreciate you, especially if your social circles have become smaller.”

How to Fix It: 3 Effective Strategies for Making Friends as an Adult

Despite the challenges, experts agree that it is entirely possible to make new friends at any age. By adopting a proactive mindset and making use of the right strategies, you can overcome these obstacles and create meaningful friendships in adulthood. Below are three ways to address the challenges and begin building the social connections you’ve been longing for.

1. Create Opportunities for Socializing

While your schedule may be busy, it’s important to carve out time for socializing. One way to do this is by prioritizing your social life, just as you would any other responsibility. Whether it's setting aside time to attend social events, inviting someone for coffee, or joining a group activity, making a conscious effort to engage with others is key.

According to Dr. Franco, “It's crucial to create and seize opportunities for socializing. Even small interactions, like chatting with a colleague after work or joining a local fitness class, can plant the seeds for lasting friendships.”

Consider the following approaches to expanding your social network:

Join a hobby group: Explore groups that match your interests. Whether it’s a book club, a cooking class, or a hiking group, shared activities provide natural opportunities to bond with like-minded individuals.

Volunteer: Volunteering is a powerful way to connect with others who are passionate about similar causes. Plus, it creates a sense of community that can lead to meaningful friendships.

Attend local events: Many cities host community events that offer socializing opportunities, from farmer’s markets to concerts or networking events. Keep an eye out for events that align with your interests.

2. Leverage Technology to Make Connections

Technology has made it easier than ever to connect with others, even if you’re unable to meet in person. Apps and social media platforms can serve as a bridge to finding new friends or rekindling old connections.

Joining online communities or social networking groups based on your interests can expand your social circle. For example, platforms like Meetup allow people to find groups and activities based on shared passions. These groups often host events that allow you to meet people in real life.

Dr. Franco suggests that “While it may seem impersonal, technology can actually help us overcome geographic barriers and connect with people who share our values and interests. Online communities are a great way to get started with building friendships in a low-pressure environment.”

Be open to making digital connections and transitioning them into in-person friendships, whether through video chats, phone calls, or eventually meeting up at local events.

3. Be Vulnerable and Open

One of the most important steps to forming new friendships as an adult is embracing vulnerability. It’s easy to keep your guard up, but true connection comes from being open, sharing, and being willing to take risks.

When trying to make new friends, let go of the fear of rejection. Instead, be authentic and engage in meaningful conversations. Friendships are built on mutual understanding and trust, and the more open and sincere you are, the more likely it is that someone will respond positively.

“I think one of the biggest barriers to making friends as an adult is the fear of rejection, which often keeps people from opening up. But the key to building lasting friendships is allowing yourself to be vulnerable,” says Dr. Franco. “When you do that, you show people who you really are, and they can connect with you on a deeper level.”

Don’t be afraid to initiate conversations, invite someone out for coffee, or share something personal. You may be surprised at how many people are also looking for new connections but don’t know how to reach out.

Making friends as an adult may take more effort than it did when you were younger, but it is by no means impossible. By acknowledging the challenges and taking proactive steps, you can build a fulfilling social network that enhances your well-being and overall happiness. Remember, the key is to create opportunities, embrace technology, and open yourself up to vulnerability. The rewards of meaningful friendships are well worth the investment.

As Dr. Franco puts it, “Friendships are crucial to our mental and emotional health, and it’s never too late to cultivate new ones. Just keep putting yourself out there, and the right connections will come.”